1/10/26 god mulholland drive hits so good after the lesbian breakup
1/16/26 genuinely i'm so glad she broke up with me i'm the happiest i've been in god only knows how long. i've made so many friends this week and so many new connections and i'm so in love with the world and everybody and everything and i'm so happy to be free from that because it was just absolutely draining me. it feels so good to get closer to my friends and closer to myself, to feel like myself for the first time in ages. i'm so excited to move and i already have so many wonderful friends in this new city that i adore and i can't wait to make more. also i'm microdosing yearning for an extremely beautiful woman and i feel woozy yeyyy
1/12/26 YALL OK the granny square blanket on the palmer's couch in twin peaks is different in the return vs in the original two seasons/fwwm im So curious as to Who Made Them and How Long Did They Take
1/1/26 rang in the new year w my bestie and realized we've done nye together for the past 4 years. vv grateful for that. slept terribly and my anxiety is off the roof rn but Fuck It We Ball
12/28/25 just finished stone butch blues and had to cry on the floor for 40 minutes about it
12.24.25 the thought of ever dating again makes me nauseous. i don't ever want to use a dating app again. i don't even take pictures of myself anymore. i haven't in months. between changing my name and just my utter loss of a sense of self from my previous relationship i feel like a not-person, like i'm in limbo but for the time being i'm a ghost that doesn't exist. and i feel like right now i'm okay with being a ghost but i know i'm not going to want that forever and someday i'm going to want to be a Real Person and i'm going to want to be seen as a Real Person but i can't even envision what the hell that could be for me. basically i don't want to be perceived nor do i want to perceive myself. i'm not real. i don't exist.
12.23.25 been listening to all the emo music i liked in high school. made myself a mixtape but i fucked up burning it so i'm gonna have to redo it. hung out with my bestie last night. all these things are making me feel like myself again. very often in this past relationship ive felt like Im The Devil I Can And Will Never Do Anything Right And Also Im Going To Burn In Hell For It and then i hang out w my friends and they're like "it's literally not that serious also ur like just not as evil as u think u r" and i think that helps a lot.
12.21.25 are they doing chicken fried eggs yet
12.20.25 i think i decided on a name i like. gonna try to test it out and see how i feel about it. my best friend since middle school approves of it so that's huge
12.19.25 coping with the breakup by doing a karlach baldurs gate run. i don't have as many friends as i did the last time i went through a breakup but i do have really good friends and i'm so beyond grateful for them. im currently a boy with a girl name even though its my chosen name but i decided i needed a boy name and am like not even referring to myself in the meantime. lots of internalized misandry and even transmisandry because i grew up fundie in a culture that breeded boys to become power-hungry predators and abusers and i have to constantly consciously remind myself that That's Not Normal And Most Men Aren't Like That Also Me Being A Trans Dude Doesn't Make Me Like That. anyways i think most boy names are ugly and i associate so many of them with terrible people so this is a really difficult process lol
12.16.25 got broken up with yesterday. today the hot older tatted butch at work was chatting it up with me. unfortunately i learned that she's a zionist. i'm in hell
12.14.25 how do u sneakily ask ur friend what the circumference of their head is
12.14.25 i'm sorry but you cannot fucking convince me that fried foods give you a heart attack. Bull Shit.
12.7.25 is american psycho considered a "classic" book yet
12.5.25 it's so fucked playing baldurs gate 3 because like no video game is That Good. i've played it so many times that it's lost its novelty a bit because i know Every Single Detail it seems but i think of it so fondly...every time i play anything else i think of Her.....so anyways after trying Dark Souls I and Dragon Age: Origins i made the decision to purchase Divinity: Original Sin II because it's another Larian game and i really enjoy the format, storytelling, and character development of baldurs gate and miss it IMMENSELY. so i've played maybe just under two hours of it today and i like it so far but i'm still getting used to the ever-so-slightly different mechanics.
12.5.25 creating this microblog page. i always feel like i want to do more with my site but when it comes time to sit down and create i'm like,,,stumped.